Pleasure and pain…

Triston celebrated his 4^th birthday on the 7^th of December but his party (that brought me way to close to the edge of sanity!) was on the 5^th. Never ever, ever again! Well at least not for the next 12 months or so!!

He was in seventh heaven, believing himself the king of the world!

 

 

This thing took me 4 hours!! to make!!!!!

After all the partying I decided to get his tonsils checked yet again! For the past 6 months I have been telling our doc that there is something wrong even though Triston is not complaining about any pain.  His tonsils have been swollen solidly for 6 months and this last month he has actually started too complained about the pain.

I set up the appointment but our doc is on leave and I had to use another doc, she took one look at his tonsils and made the specialist appointment personally. I started getting worried, when the specialist asked questions about his sleeping patterns.

It turns out that he has sleep apnea caused by his over grown tonsils. This means that during sleep he stops breathing! So yesterday my baby boy had a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy and two grommets put in… 

8 Other children where there for various different procedures all coming out of surgery crying and screaming in pain. My heart sank as each child came out, and Triston having always been sensitive to the pain of others started throwing up. I started preparing myself and him emotionally.

Triston’s turn came up. I went in with him till he was sleeping, and left my child’s health and well being in the hands of people I don’t know… I sat waiting and worrying…

When they rolled him out, he was lying on that huge bed; blood crusted around his mouth and nose… my heart stopped beating! When they moved him to his bed, he started moaning so I hummed his lullaby in his ear till he was calm again.

I sat vigilant by his bed for over an hour; knowing that once he wakes up the crying will start… and then he woke up. Instead of the crying and disorientation… he simply sat up and asked “Can we go home now mommy?”

My jaw dropped! I explained to him that he needs to eat and drink something first, he gladly excepted this and finished a packet of chips and drank a can of coke!

My baby boy is the bravest person I know!!

On this note, marry Christmas to you all and a fantastic new year to you and yours.

Remember to enjoy every step you take with your angels!

Love Rochelle

Conquering the mountain…

Last weekend on our Sunday walk Triston asked if we could climb to the top of the mountain, it was about 6 in the evening so I promised him that we would go this weekend… and a promise is a promise!

Waking up yesterday morning, I could see the excitement growing in his eyes… we were going to the top of the mountain! We went to the shops, got all we needed for a two man picnic, packed a bunch of toys (because he neeeeds them) and set off to the Wonderboom Nature Reserve.

Arriving at our destination we found a nice shady spot and started on our picnic, I explained to him what nature entails… you know, trees, grass, animals and bugs! He found the largest stick he could lay his hands on and started hunting buck, he even offered me the biltong stuck at the end of the stick (he has such a great imagination)

Then we set off on our great expedition! OK so it took me about 20 min to find out where the hiking trail was, and Triston seemed unimpressed with the actual Wonderboom.  We headed into the mountain and it was stunning, so green and alive! He stopped to poke at bugs and look at the different types of leaves, we looked inside hollowed out trees and saw beautiful spider webs and thankfully no huge spiders. We listened to the birds and stopped to look for nests up in the trees.

As we climbed higher and higher the green canopy gave way to the open air and the sun started beating down on us. But it didn’t bother us one little bit! I explained and showed Triston the different patterns water made on the stones and all the different shades and shapes the earth made on the rocks.

Every time we came to a split in the path I allowed Triston to choose our direction, and every time he chose the route taking us higher up. We climbed till my nerves couldn’t take it anymore. It’s amazing when you look out and feel the quiet and calm out there, then it hits you like a rock… it’s quiet and I’m on a mountain with my nearly 4 year old! So when I started feeling to worried we’d sit down have a chat and a drink and once my nerves where calm we’d head out again.

 We eventually headed down, and I must admit the trip down was allot more daunting than the trip up, but we made it with some giggles and sitting down every so often (we where bushed!) when we reached the bottom Triston looked at me with a silly grin of happiness and said “We can go home now Mommy” and that exactly what we did.

What a fantastic day!!

I hope you all have an awesome week!

Rochelle

I feel old!!

This weekend we calibrated my cousins 21^st birthday… how is it possible?!? When I think of her she is a bratty teenager… a young girl with a lifetime of heartache on her shoulders! Now she is a woman, who has taken her unfortunate past and regardless of the fact has carved out a place for herself in this world.

She is what we as a family proudly say our Family child, we all helped raise her… her father had disappeared when he found out her mother was pregnant, so from the day she was born she was ours… the family child! Her mother raised her as best she could with help from the sisters whenever necessary (the sister as we call them is our mothers the 4 of them are the glue that holds this family together).  Just a note that she is the first grandchild and her mother was actually my real causin.

After her mother’s suicide the game was upped and though she was one damn difficult teen, that I personally wanted to throttle on more than one occasion, she got through it, with her head slightly in the clouds she stepped into the adult world around a table in my aunt’s house… where the whine was flowing way to freely! Around that table a year ago I started seeing the woman she would become.

Yesterday it was official she is now one of “us” an adult with all the joys and sorrows coming with it… but that was only the official date the fact is she has been one for a while now… she was forced to be one before she was really ready. But regardless of this fact, she has stepped up to the challenges of life, with a little push from behind every so often and allot of speed bumps along the way.

I’m proud of her, we are all proud of her…

And though she was an angel with a little devil sitting on her shoulder I am honoured that we have been able to walk part of the way with her.

Enough with being soppy… tomorrow it’s my turn… I really, really feel OLD!

Have fun all

Rochelle

Why Blog?

 

How often do you blog? With my first blog I blogged irregularly and only when things made me feel to the extreme…  extremely happy or extremely sad or extremely angry.

Then I met and fell in love with a fellow blogger… so I moved my domain and started a new blog, with a whole new set of readers thanks to the “friend” my postings became a daily thing. I think I might have missed 2 days at most consecutively. But I loved it in the beginning, I was in love and looking forward to life actually not trampling over me, I was positive and it showed… then love soured…

My blog started turning dark, the only light side I had on it was my Friday Joke post and even there I merely copy and pasted jokes sent to me… everything got me down… my ex husband, my by then ex … what the hell do you call him… lover, my son was constantly ill and I was working myself into an early grave.   

So I made a choice to choose me for my son’s sake… after my brother’s death I bid him my own silent farewell and closed my blog to public view. It’s still there as it should be because every now and again it does the soul good to go and reflect on what has been and what the past you had hoped for the present you and where you stand on those hopes and dreams so you can plan for the future you.

Then there are the readers… and you might differ from me on this, but your postings have a direct association with the amount of comments you get. When I moved to this blog I made an effort to blog often and in the beginning I still got a reasonable amount of comments, but as people realised it wasn’t all doom and gloom the readers started disappearing… and with little readership the need to blog and please the world goes out of you.  

So I don’t blog for the readers I blog for myself… for the joy of going back and remembering in my own words what happened on so and so date, or how I felt about someone or something at a point in my life… and laughing at how blind we sometimes can be.

So I know I still have the occasional reader and I would like you to comment and tell me why you blog…  or why you don’t blog?

School concert…

I have been duly informed by Triston’s school that the school concert will be held on the 20th of November (for those who don’t know this is the my wedding as well as my divorce anniversary) All parents have been asked to please bring their children to school daily as if one is not there no one can practise… and so on and so forth… this will be Triston’s first school concert as he was to young to partake in last year’s.
I
’m excited, his excited everyone is excited… and they have undergone a verbal contract with my son to not sing his songs at home. No matter how many times i beg and plead he refuses and just tells me i can hear it at the big concert! He has over ever told me that his class is doing Heidi and Pieter and that he is Pieter… I can’t wait!

Concert clothes – R50
Bus for rehearsal – R15
Ticket – R60
DVD – R185
Photo’s – R40
My son’s first school concert – PRISELESS!!

Enjoy strolling with your angels…

Love Rochelle

Melting heart moments…

Every now and again a child will say or do something to shock you to the core, melt your heart or leave your jaw dropping!

This weekend while playing peacefully on the kitchen floor while my mom and I made flap-jacks, I asked Triston to take the butter to the table… He calmly looked me in the eye and said “Ag mom!” I stood there staring at my son… mouth hanging open as the teenage drama king words fall from his way to young lips! Needless to say at that moment his eyes opened wide, he saw my stare and realised he better move his ass or there will be hell to pay and took the butter where it belongs!

On Sunday while having a braai at my father’s place by the dam, now I think I might need to add that my father is not the physical contact type, nor is he one for cuddling… and this in no way means my father does not express love or affection its just in “his way”. We were all sitting around talking and Triston just got it in his mind to crawl onto my father’s lap and cuddle on to his round tummy… He looked at his grandfather from his perch there and said “Oupa your not fat you’re soft!” My father leaned down gave Triston a big bear hug and a kiss on the head… whispered into his ear “You have no idea how much I love you”

Yester day Triston and his friend where building garages for their cars out of block. When the time came for his friend to go home I told them to clean up first… there is usually no problem as its one of the house rules. But last night Triston refused! I calmly told him that if he does not help clean up the mess his friend will not be allowed to come and play again… his replay – “I don’t want him to play here!” erm, erm, erm now I do know his just saying it to get out of cleaning but it’s still not a nice thing to say… so I pick him up and deposited him in his room saying he can come out if he cleans up as I asked him to do… I sent his friend home (without cleaning up).

Not even 5 min later Triston comes sulking out of the room… I asked him if his going to clean up and he just looks at me sadly and nods (inside all I want to do is grab him and hug him and say it’s ok!), I incline my head and tell him to get to it! He cleaned up every piece of toy in the living-room… I thank him, gave him that hug and told him I love him… the rest of the night he was an angel. Taking his bath, getting dressed for bed, going to bed!

But when I went to bed at around 12 he came to me asking for a cold drink… this doesn’t bother me as he does wake up when he needs the loo, I gave him something to drink and he crawled into bed with me. After a couple of minutes he put his arms around my neck and in his sleep said “Can I hold you a bit Mommy” … I pulled him in and my heart gave a tremor… this was my baby boy en even half asleep he loved me… what more could I ask for in life!

Have a great day and week all… and remember as parent your walking the earth with an angel by your side!

Love Rochelle

Before I was a Mom…

 
I’m reminded daily of the awesome responsibility and gift it is to have my son in my life… Triston had left with my mother on a little holiday (I had to work) last Friday. For 6 days I had no clue what the hell to do with myself! How do you kook for only one… how do you enjoy a bath that you didn’t first need to clear of toys…how do you fall asleep in a bed that hasn’t been jumped on at some point in the afternoon… how do you sleep if you can’t hear your child breathing in the quite of the house!

They returned on Wednesday and within 15 min the place was covered in toys, the neighbours kids where running around and laughter yet again filled not only my heart but my home too… what the hell did I do before I was a mom!…

 

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations…

Bunny Farm and life…

 

Ok so I know I might be the most inconsistent blogger alive… but here we go!

There are so many things FUN to do on low budget, I really don’t know of anybody currently swimming in cash, do you? Last weekend Triston, my mother and I went to go and visit my brother… wanting to do something outdoors in this fantastic weather we’re having, so we head for Benoni and the Bunny Farm. The Bunny Farm is a place we as a family went to often while we were growing up… it is overrun with… yip you got it… Bunnies!

They are tame and all over the place, you need to watch your step because they also tend to dig holes all over the place! There is n dam with fish in it and geese on it. The place is huge… and taking a nice long walk will bring you to the goat pens… and they are too damn cute for goats, they beg! Further along you might just find a peacock in a tree (that was a first for me)

This place is a treasure trove that any child of any age will love… they have a brick castle, cows and a play areas that kids only see in their dreams. For a small fee kids can ride the quadbikes. This one gave me a few heart attacks even though they only go about 10km an hour… having your almost 4 year old taking a turn at top speed will stop any mothers heart!! There are carnival like swings, aeroplanes and horses… there is a small train and a horse cart drawn by n miniature pony, camel rides, horse rides… in short it’s a child’s paradise!!

And the best part is… Entrance is free!!

It was an amazing day! 

On a sadder note… there is a little black boy who lives in our flats. This little boy has come up to play on a couple of occasions, our door is always open so kids come and go as they please. But I asked this little boy if his mommy knew that he was playing at our house… his answer shocked me…

His mother is dead, he lives alone with his father who works during the day till well after six… he does go to school, they pick him up in the mornings and bring him home around 3 in the afternoons, from 3 to six he is alone! His father makes him lunch every morning and leaves out a bottle of cool drink… this child is only 5 years old!! He has his own keys to the house but not only that he has a remote to get out of the building…

I would worry myself sick! But what is one to do, he has been looking after himself for the last year since his mother’s death… he is from what I can see a happy child, he is smart and clearly stimulated at home and school… Its strange the way everybody’s story differ… and though it seems odd and even neglectful to me and others, this single father is doing the best to his ability to take care of his child and provide to his needs… who is to say it’s wrong or right?

On this note I take my leave… have a great weekend all.

Rochelle

Just another day…

I promised myself that this blog… this platform would not become an emotional place, or a dark place. But I think there are mothers out there in my shoes and I need to get all this out… so here goes.

Today is father’s day… I dreaded its arrival because I knew that at school they would be making a fuss over it, making cards, and discussing daddies. Now Triston hasn’t had contact with is father since December… I guess that is largely my fault as I said he needs to start making contributions to our child’s care…

In my view a child needs a hell of a lot of love, but for a child to thrive he needs more… he needs to go to school, he needs clothes and food, he needs so much more than just love, and these things cost money! When I mentioned this to his father he just stopped making contact… and hasn’t tried to find out about his own child. So I just left it at that, figuring that if he was interested he would make a move to find out…

All through last year I was always the one to contact him to find out if he wanted to see Triston over a weekend or inform him that our child is ill… I think for me the last straw was when Triston had to go to hospital last year and he didn’t even bother to go visit his own child… didn’t inquire about his progress, if I had not sent an sms daily I don’t think he would have given a damn or tried in the least to find out.

So all that said, I dreaded fathers day and the questions it would have bring up… but I was amazed in how smoothly it passed. I asked Triston a while back what his fathers name is, he no longer new… considering he knows every child in his class’ name and surname I found this disturbing. Should I try to inform him of his father or should I leave well enough alone?

He has a little friend who is a year older than him, and who’s father is his hero… this kid cant stop saying my daddy this and my daddy that. At first it bothered me, but kids are resilient and Triston just made up a father for himself… every time his friend says something like “my daddy has a red car” Triston will, with out batting a eye, say “my daddy has a huge blue car with flashing lights!” his friend just looks impressed and drops it.

So my son no longer has a mental image of his father, and I have opted not to interfere… if at some point he starts asking questions I will answer them honestly and age appropriately. For now he is happy having his make-believe daddy who can do and is what ever he needs or wants him to be… who am I to argue.

 For all the real daddies out there hope you had a great father’s day, to all the mommies who need to be daddies too… I salute you!   

Greetings with love

Rochelle

There are days…

 

There are days where I can’t understand why he left us…

There are days when I wonder when he will come back to disrupt our hard won peace…

There are days where I wish he would come back and do his duty just so that I can give my son a better life…

There are days where I wish I had never met him…

There are days I believe I might still love him, despite it all…

There are days I believe I might hate him, because of it all…

There are days when I feel like crawling under a rock and dying…

There are days when I feel like shouting, screaming, cussing at the unfairness of it all…

There are days that life just doesn’t seem worth another effort…

 

Then there are days I look at my son and think…

Damn, you have no clue what an amazing experience your missing…

You will never know the utter love, trust, and understanding that a parent feels for a child…

You will never see him smiling at you and only you…

You will never know what it feels like to be the reason for the smile on his face…

You will never feel little arms hugging you, even when their off in dreamland, just because he knows it your arms around him…

You will never understand the utter joy, fear, and wonder at seeing him grow into the man he is meant to be…

 

Then… it no longer matters why he left us.

I don’t worry if he will come back because without him here we might not have a lot of money but we have a hell of a lot more love.

I’m thankful I met him, fell in love, married him, and had my baby boy… because that’s what it all comes down to. If I had not met, loved, and married him I would not have had my son, my Triston.

It doesn’t matter if I hate him or love him… he gave me the one thing I can’t, wont live without.

I might have my down days, filled with dark things, but the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles and a little heart beating makes them all insignificant!

We all have days… and there all worth it.

Have a great week all.

Rochelle